So you walk into the shithole, drunk as hell, throw up on the greeter or whoever the fuck it is and stumble over to the bar. Someone walks up and asks you for your phone. You take a swing at them. Someone else comes up and pulls you off the floor and picks up your puked-on phone, telling you it's six months old and the serviceable life of the unit has expired, and they can't help you with anything. You reply you don't give a shit about the phone, you just wanna drink. The fucked-up looking junior college dropout know-it-all hipsters look sheepishly at you while you're moaning over the bar and tell you the manager's coming. But the manager didn't come--it was the mall cops, acting like they gotta do a job. You take a swing at them; one runs away after he wets himself, the other sprays you with mace and cuffs your hands behind your back. You look up at the fuckers who wouldn't serve you and say, "Geniuses? More like brainlessess." Job done.
Remember, every week on Friday a new t-shirt design is announced, and every Saturday that design is released. Come back to view the blog entry for the design on Friday, or Saturday to buy the t-shirt!
[ED NOTE: if you're wondering WTF is happening, as if you've seen this design before in some senseless stupor, we're periodically blogging a few of the classics we never blogged before. Love it, immediately.]
In life there are generally two choices; the carrot or the stick. In the limitlessness of our universe, why does it have to be one or the other? Why can't it be both? When you rob a bank, you might expect to get shot as well, but if you get shot in the arm and abscond with all that sweet useless cash, you've got the carrot and the stick. When you vote, you pretend you are exercising free will and have a sense that you can change the world, and yet your masters are tugging on your wrist and collar chains knowing your vote will mean nothing--again, win-win, you get the carrot and the stick. So, who are these ignorant motherfuckers who are trying to manipulate you into doing something based on the idea that if you're controlled you'll get the carrot, and if you don't you'll get the stick? Who are these fools who believe the two exist independently of each other, and that they themselves flip the switches? The people who have gotten the stick, that's who. Maybe it's time to reward those who defy, and punish those who comply-- or perhaps it's time for both.
Why run from something when you can run to something? Some people say we're 9 meals from anarchy, we say we're one meal to anarchy. There's nothing like getting hopped up on caffeine, phenylalanine, high fructose corn syrup, sugar, salt, hydrogenated oil, GMO wheat, enzyme-reduced rBST beef, frozen-vegetable waste matter and rat poison and taking out the fucking town from the clock tower. After all, something must be done to curb one's boredom, and anarchy seems to be a key element in achieving that and living a democratic life; by democratic we mean doing whatever the fuck you want whenever you want to and ignoring all consequences others might experience from your right and entitlement to liberty, the liberty of lighting a match and walking away. Oh yes, the sweet sweet ass of democratic liberty--we're lovin' it, anarchy-style.
Wealth and class are not entirely different things. Class is defined by how much money one has, how famous one is, or how pretentious one is. But the Reverse Darwinism of a class of wealth leaves a wide array of humiliations of social faux pas; your sister ripping a huge wet fart in front of "attentive" political bigwigs, grandfather taking a huge dump in his pants at the table after slipping his finger up the skirt and into the vagina of a Hispanic teen maid, mother falling noticeably but faintly into oblivion on gin and pool boys, and father charged with multiple counts of male rape at the local men's club. All of these things make defining wealth very difficult, as the fluidity of wealth is constantly changing from lawyers to victims and then again to their victims once they achieve wealth. The great leap forward that wealth has continued to make throughout the ages is to not let wealth by any means slip into the hands of the lowers classes. After all, there are only so many teen maids to go around.
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